That's it!

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Mojito's Tale

27 May 2011

I’ll do the storytelling next time ;)

Mapait na kinahinatnan

The taste of failure. Just failed my first (of many) driving exam. Napaka-gullible ko talaga. Sabi ng examiner turn right daw eh. One-way street pala. Pffffffft, end of exam. Wala na, uwian na…beter lak neks taym. :) (Taken with instagram)

Crashed!

It’s so frustrating to know that it is in fact true! All nice shits are ain’t free. Depressing.

Ouch!

My back…my shoulders…my arms…my neck! Shouldn’t have practiced playing the violin that seriously. I didn’t push myself that hard, did I? See, I’m trying to play it perfectly but I ain’t perfect. Sadness. If not for my aching body parts, I would have played for an hour more or so. Good luck to tomorrow’s class!


Plus, I’m sick. Blame it on rainy days. This better be not THE virus that’s H1N1! I’m crossing my fingers…

The chicken in me

Just what is it with me?! After all my melodramatic overanalysis of things, crossing Rubicons and stuff, I ended up chickening out in the end. Booooo! Loser. I’m guilty as charged!


After 3 days at work, I decided to pull the plug. As to why I did it? It simply does not suit me and feels like I’d not be happy doing that job for a year. Maybe I can’t put up with the challenge of a project as big as it is or maybe the people, heck. Anyway, I know that in the future I’d be sorry I turned it down. I’ve had my dose of wasted chances. As a matter of fact, thinking about the past year, I realized how unthinkably I’ve passed up several opportunities. However, I’m more attached to the present than neither the past nor the future.


It’s actually hurting me that I can’t think of anything at all that I really want so bad in life. I came across this article that says,

True satisfaction comes from doing what you know you were created to do.

But the question lies on what am I really created to do. Still need to do some soul searching.

Might be crossing a different Rubicon

Change of plans? Maybe. I’m at a loss.


I can’t believe I’m actually drinking coffee right now and planning not to sleep just to do some researching (yahoo-ing, I typed on the yahoo search bar) on “isolation and purification of bioactive compounds from marine organisms”. This is ludicrous defined! I thought of how ludicrous it is just now that I had to stop my searching (I’m only on the 6th page, item #1 of all search results: 51/38,200 results. Uh-oh. Sheez, I’m not planning on looking through all those! Maybe I should stop at page 6 while I still can.) and take time to blog about it.


It has been a long time since I last did this kind of academic routine. And my facebook status?

“can I really say goodbye to bum days??”

What what what? Starting yesterday, life’s giving me merely three days (Friday, Saturday, Sunday) to savor my freedom. Since I left my last job (which was mid-December of last year), I have been ultimately on a holiday-freeday-happyday mode, however you may call it. (That includes learning the German language and how to play the violin.) Might be hard to get it out of my system…but, bring it on! It’s just that things turned out to happen so abruptly — almost shocked me to death! Here’s how…

July 7, Tuesday
- received an email from Matet that there’s a job post at the Marine Science Institute for university researcher position

July 8, Wednesday
- thinking time…

July 9, Thursday
- finally sent an email of application to Dr. Gisela Concepcion
- received a reply from Dr. Concepcion telling me to see her Friday morning at her office
- started to research on the Philippines PharmaSeas Drug Discovery Project

July 10, Friday
- got interviewed by Dr. C. for I think less than 2 minutes, with asking my general weighted average (GWA) as the highlight of the “interview”. Here’s a paraphrased summary of our dialogue.

Dr. C. : You’re Raphlin?

Me : Yes, Ma’am.

Dr. C. : Yes, ok. Here’s Maria. She’ll show you around and tell you the things you need to know. Ok, so what’s your grade?

Me : (Ano daw?! Anong tanong? Grade? Oo, grade daw. So GWA? Oo yata. Ah wait…ah ok. Ngayon ko ba kelangang sagutin? Andami kayang tao dito…si Sir Gino, si Sir Louie, at kung sinu-sino pang di ko kilala. Capital O-M-G! Ang alam ko ambaba ng GWA ko eh…ano nga? Ang alam ko nasa recommendation letter ko yun from Ma’am Amor…wait…ah ok.)

Me : Ma’am, GWA is *.*

Dr. C. : Ah ok, pasado naman. Ok when can you start? If possible, sana ASAP.

Me : Ok, Ma’am. I can start on Monday. (Shoot! Sure ba ‘ako?! Bahala na.)

Practically, it took me about 10 seconds to answer the killer question.


Now I’m thinking if my getting that job was matter-of-factly and deliberately thought over by Dr. C. I guess not. Who knows? She might just have been preoccupied by a lot of things that day. I really wanted to tell her that I don’t have enough experience in bioassays and stuff and ask her if that’s fine. Not a chance. It’s really weird that I’m hoping for a reverse of fate that would disqualify me for the job. Feeling the pressure of having two of our chemistry instructors as workmates and considering how big (!!!) the project is, I can’t help but be browbeaten. Ok, so I’m chickening out and all, yes. Nonetheless, I have to constantly remind myself and accept the fact that “Hey Raph, this is the next level, this isn’t high school nor college anymore.” You have to STEP UP! As Melai puts it,

“Wala ng madali sa mundo.”

In reality, my problem may just be a grain of sand in a sandbox-sized problems of the world and I may be overanalyzing things here, but that’s the most rational thing I can think of to simply say to myself, in a consoling manner,

“You can do it!”

…and frankly,

“C’mon, get out of the box, coward!”

I figured that I am probably scared of falling short of people’s expectations. More often than not, I’d rather not try at all than fail. I’m just not cut out for the saying,

“It’s better to try and fail than to have never tried at all.”

Passing by Papemelroti, this one struck me bull’s eye,

“Everybody makes mistakes. That’s why they put erasers on pencils.”
-The Simpsons

So much for the quotable quotes, I should get back to business. I’m crossing my fingers for this different Rubicon I’m trying to cross.

All work and no play makes Raph a dull girl

What a life! Never-ending strings attached to acads. Huh, for what? The love of studying? Crap.

When will I ever breathe the freshest of airs? Funny how, days ago, I ranted over not having anything to do and yet now STILL rant over having no time for play, eh? Ano ba talaga?!...I guess it's human nature --- d*mn human nature.

On second thought, it's not totally an all-work-and-no-play for me at all. See, I still find time to spend my precious time here. It's just annoying how my eyes hurt from reading (and sleeping? hmmm...) yet I can't afford to concede defeat against this hurting...I have to finish my thing before going to bed. No more ranting and raving for now. For that, oyasuminasai.

Butterflies all over my stomach

It's 5am and I'm having butterflies all over my stomach. Today's my last exam for my BS Chem degree...hopefully. I'm having all sorts of jittery feelings and I can't help but "blog" it.

I'm still anxious as ever towards graduation day! Am I gonna make it? Though uncertainty strikes, I still wanna believe that I'm gonna make it. It feels like 10 years already even though it has barely been two weeks. I just started to realize for real that I really really need to graduate! It really scares me...

Realization: 4 cups of coffee won't do me any good

About 10 hours ago, I thought of drinking 4 cups of coffee to keep me from being a sleepyhead and to stay wide awake for a hardcore acad mode. Because, may I say that based from experience, 2 cups don't work for me. I didn't expect to be this WIDE awake. Literal talaga, shocks. That even though I'm supah dupah sleepy to the nth level, my eyes won't close. Kadiri talaga. Arrrggh. The feeling's really like sleeping with eyes wide open, that's totally and definitely different from my usual oh-my-God-I-am-oh-so-sleepy-na moments. And I've actually spent almost half of the time just whining to myself to please please SLEEP (you know, that kind of sleep with eyes closed and consciousness temporarily shut down -- yeah, sleeping in the MOST real sense please!) instead of studying for my exam. Darn. This is really one helluva night and really really driving me nuts. I wanna sleep big time! Grrrrrrrrr........!

I know, I know...I won't do this again (at least for now).

**Can someone just sing me a lullaby...?

Sad feet on a stormy day

Grabe talaga tong araw na to! Di nga lang kita sa picture ang mga bahang dinaanan ko para makarating sa school, pero grabe talaga. Ngayon ko lang naranasan to. Although hindi naman hanggang tuhod yung mga bahang nadaanan ko sa may Katipunan at papuntang school, just enough to cover my feet.


This is the whole story.

My 200 pesos' worth

I hate it. I just lost my 200-peso bill yesterday. I think I must have dropped it somewhere 'coz I just slipped it inside my bag's open pocket. Napaka-careless. It's 200 pesos! I could have gotten myself a treat at McDonald's or Tokyo Tokyo. I really felt like buying all the things in the world -- which is far from possible. So, I just ended up buying a box-of-three of Gonuts Donuts (Php70.00) and 3 three pairs of Dickies socks (Php169.75) -- a total of Php239.75, more than my 200 pesos' worth. Though I later realized that I actually lost more than twice my 200 pesos. But still, I felt a sense of relief having done so.

Tap here to add new task

TAP HERE TO ADD A NEW TASK. I wonder why my phone has this feature. It pisses me off. I don’t need this feature.

Oh yes, I have tons of things to get over and done with. I actually find myself TAPPING on my phone screen and ADDING A NEW TASK. I even set the reminder settings. After my new task has been added, dozens of undone tasks finally flashes on the screen, including my new added task. It’s as if I’m a busy person for real.

But there's this one thing I forever-and-a-day accomplish – BUMMING. No sweat. Today is, in fact, my fifth-day existence as a total bum. I have two more days left. I’m desperately hoping not to succeed as a SUCCESSFUL BUM. I guess I have to start emptying my task bin. Way to go!